Brief intermission
subtle, yet noticeable microaggressions...
The amount of effort spent for others to have me meet my end,
whom Ive considered family and friend.
The whom it may concern,
to whom might wish ill will on the past memories we’ve had, collections of history spent, while now prioritizing pretend.
The poison, the love, disguised as reciprocation.
The smiles, the hugs, although I’ve let go, still it’s “you” who holds onto the excuse of drugs… I’ve left behind.
I humbly admit the objective is yet to be met considering the distance placed amongst ourselves, what community we have allowed to wash and rinse away.
In fairness I’ve held up my end, from end to end, like encryption, never any need to suspend… any of you, whom were relentless in your attempts to destabilize progress forged with each passing year.
Fickle we’ve grown in collective pursuits, ashamed of whom we are, but some have grown with their abuse.. of temporary power and position.
The eyes have been on you, the eyes have been on me, entertainment on display, yet many worry of what others say.
The past is to reference for unanswered questions unaddressed, so many complaints when visiting the home address.
You wish people well, congratulate on efforts rendered, remain thankful..steadily.
You remain steadfast when others question, and doubt, playing at: relevance, recognition, and reward.
Unfilled with everything they’ve acquired but yet fail to realize what’s in store.
I understand alignment between what the cranium housing and the pressure valves in your chest isn’t the more simplistic achievement when speaking on being in tune, but when one lays it all on the line, what is only one man to do?
The results I’m living as proof, yet it is I… who am in question?
My integrity in question when I’ve shown the truth in any set of company, while many portray this family like running a company, but offer nothing more then their liabilities… In the from of poor judgement, poor prioritization, lack of compassion, non-existence sincerity.. I’ve never taken offense because you weren’t solely dishonest with me… Understand?
To be in others corner, to provide instructions, lace up shoes, provide a mouth piece is the limit to what I can do, I can enter the arena “with” you but I simply cannot enter that ring “for” you…I have been guilty of wishing I could possess this quality.
I understand thoroughly that each any every one of us has had our reasons for approaching life in our version of distance from one another… blame won’t help here. Accountability and ownership might.
Scapegoating appears to be my families favorite past time, along with the outside help that they’ve brought in. The point, I do not know.
We’ve achieved an absolute recovery of what appeared to be, without question, beyond repair. It’s taken time, and we’ve still got a ways ahead. I suppose witnessing members of different households, different eras, different timelines, fuss and fight seems like a worthwhile pastime.
Please allow me “not” to forget the willingness and collective effort to convince a community of my inability to resurface, revive, and recover from the damage to a reputation that many were unaware of, initially, I did “NOT” rely nor depend on currently.
I suppose the only way, and I believe I’ve mentioned this before, “The only way to learn if you can trust somebody is by, in fact, trusting them.” Unfortunately, just because you make allowance for that trust to exist, leaves no promise for having others remain trustworthy.
To the many whom have attempted to have me perceived by others outside my character, thank you.
To the many whom have actively participated in sabotaging, mimicking, parroting my efforts, both within the household and outside the household, thank you.
To the many whom have taken my words out of context, misplaced my words when explaining discussions we may have shared, thank you.
To the many whom have slandered my name in the name of elevating their own for reasons only they can comprehend, thank you.
To the many whom have insisted instilling fear, confusion, sleep deprivation, isolation, guilt, shame, on one sole operator, I say thank you.
To the many whom have sought out ways to not use other people, but to make room to “misuse” other people in order to achieve their means, I say thank you.
To the many whom have insisted I required their permission for any or all decisions I make within my very own epidermis, in order to remain obedient to their cause, only to find themselves disappointed, I say thank you.
To the many I have to watch, intentionally, scapegoat others in my family, in order to achieve what they’re unwilling to address in their own company, with blame and/or insults at the forefront of most discussions, I say thank you.
In addition to the above listed, It’s been remarkable the amount I was capable and unaware I was being instructed to learn in this process.
Let us not leave out the gaslighting, the backhanded compliments, the love-bombing, the bread crumbing, the conversations held in person — only to relay everything among selected groups, or factions of others whom thought I was living in alignment to their level of understanding or comprehension.
This brief writing is only a reflection and portion of what seems to be possible when we remain steadfast regardless of public and or familial opinion, there is room left for others to take a moment, reassess a situation, take a second look and begin to make their “own” mind up on a human, who’s doing absolutely nothing that you yourself can’t achieve from within yourself amongst those whom you care for.
The amount of repair, recovery, and healing we could achieve.
But don’t take my word for it, I could just as easily point out the well placed people and actions throughout my life from quite an extensive list of people whom in fact might be surprised just at how I’ve been able to see them.
Although, I won’t be elevating anyone’s character at this time through words considering the attempts at my life, and the well being of the many in my environment.
Now I don’t know plenty things but I do know this, there is a subdivision within my family and it’s apparent that some would prefer things remain this way, regardless of progress as proof of our ability to overcome.
I do know some have relied heavily on outsourcing and drawing on others to accomplish some of the lifting to oppose what has been aimed at our family.
To the attempts at assassinating my character, my objectives in prioritizing simply living proper and decent, to those involved, thank you.
When the time comes because it hasn’t yet, I find myself with countless opportunities to blame, and yet I have no excuses. We can achieve greater, I can achieve greater.
Remember this, the magnify glass is tilted both ways and it has been for quite a marginal amount of time.