Sister Sister
With you BOTH in mind, I write to pass the time
It’s been a wild ride to say the least when considering what’s been experienced along the course of these adventures I used to find myself on. There’s so many misconceptions I’ve come across - not only over the course of my addiction, but also every day since. With over a decade clocked in with drugs my blood family still has absolutely no clue what it is I’ve been faced with. They don’t know I’ve been narcan’d more then I can count on my two hands. They’re unaware I’ve lost many I’ve cared for who choose or chose the same life, nor do they have any idea how many people out there we lose on an annual basis due to the same devil.
I often find myself reflecting on family who may or may not still be stuck. Now we know, there are many stigmas around substance abuse that ring true, although, through my experience, there are many exceptions also. We’re talking about people here. Not every person using drugs is a thief. Not every person using drugs is going to take advantage of you - all the time. Not every person using drugs is going to commit murder. Not every person on drugs is a career criminal. Not every person using drugs is heartless. Not every person using drugs has ill intentions within your company. If only my family knew better. I’ve witnessed many people judgemental to those who have found themselves in duress during such times within their lives involving drugs, but displayed none of what I mentioned above.
Lets take my little sister Elle for example. Elle was the coolest - although quite a ferious little creature on some of those late night rides, could still be such a sweetheart at her core - beneath the grasps of addiction. In fact, before she ended up on drugs she was something of a prodigy when it came to playing the violin. She enjoyed her family time at home, and also enjoyed rides along the coast. We all did! Point being, beyond what any random stranger could observe on a surface level, was/is a woman who still has the capacity to turn it all around for the better. I miss having the opportunity to see my brother and Elle running with their little pups at the park - just a young family in love.
What about my other sister for example, Rina. Rina has a young boy of her own and would express so much care, concern, and love for her son - who would be there for him despite any external force that attempted to stand in her way. Rina enjoyed listening to reggae, spending quality time with her son, and sharing laughs like any other human being on the planet. How could anyone possibly know though - that these two women mentioned are sisters, one, a mother, daughters, and have some of the biggest hearts of any person I’ve met in 34 years of my life.
Addicts are people also -
There’s many others out there as well who have so much within them that goes unnoticed. If only we could address the way we react and support those suffering. I can’t say I’ve found all the answers in my own life, but I’m curious though - are we always going to wait until something affects us or someone near to us before we can display any sort of empathy or compassion towards one another? What I find interesting about those who have battled with addiction themselves, those who have been witness to a loved one struggle, or are familiar with someone who has suffered, is that there’s a level of respect that comes with acknowledging those affected. There’s a sincere approach to how these people respond to one anothers experiences. A connection if you will.
How to make the connection though, when we ourselves haven’t been faced with addiction firsthand?
For starters, maybe, educate yourselves on the topic before jumping to conclusions or assuming you have the ultimate perception, with all due respect - you don’t. Recognize, that everyone who’s EVER struggled with addiction is a warrior on a battlefield you may never find yourself on. Before counting people out, remember - this is somebody somewhere’s family member you’re looking down on, this is somebody’s mom, dad, sister, uncle, aunt, brother, cousin, friend, that you may be dismissing carelessly. Us addicts don’t expect to be decades in our own mess witnessing our lives in shambles. We didn’t plan or strategize ways to turn our worlds upside down. We were those same people who never thought it’d be us. We were those same people who believed we were above it all. We were those same people who would never get caught in a life so dirty. For many of us this was our school. For quite a long while, for many of us - these experiences were the most monumental turning points in our lives.
— Aside from care and concern, I have a great deal of respect for you all.
Just a little vibe for my sisters in mind, also for those who have taken a wrong turn and lost their way -
Fun fact:
Elle would probably respond to my song choice with “Charlieboyy, what the hell is this? - play some $uicideBoy$ for old times sake.”
Rina would more then likely prefer some rebelution, “Meant to be” or The expendables.
I chose this song because it not only reminds me of my sisters and the good times we’ve shared over the years, but it also represents a feeling to me - it suggests to me that despite taking our many wrong turns - it’ll all be alright, someway somehow.
Where in the world is all the time?
So many things I still don't know
So many times I've changed my mind
Guess I was born to make mistakes
But I ain't scared to take the weight
So when I stumble off the path
I know my heart will guide me back